Fuck Men, yar
yeah so I'm suppose to be seeing Disturbed and Anthrax right now in Chicago. Suppose to be, meant to be BUT NO. Because Trent is a god damn asshole. Because believe his fiance's sister is more fucking important than I am. Because dearest Courtney won't sleep love him anymore if he doesn't find her sister a god damn ticket. So what does this fucker do? He fucking calls me up..."Yeah...change of plans" and rambles on about how sorry he is and how bad he feels. "I gotta give the ticket to Rosie, come on"
NO FUCKER. You don't 'gotta' do anything for her. I'M your god damn sister. I'M the one who took care of your kid when I lived with you. I'M the one who fucking TOLD YOU about this god damn concert and now you're running out on me for your fiance's tag along sister? What the hell is this? Why do my brothers drop everything for useless whores and go above and beyond?? WHY? What the fuck is wrong with them? Did my mother fuck them up this much? Honestly, this is making me die. I just feel like going away and never bothering with these assholes again. God, and Jason? My father? Ugh, he'd die for a pretty face, now wouldn't he? the selfish bastard would. He probably wouldn't second guess it too. And that fact fucking aggravates the living end outta me...he ruined 4 lives with that ass of a woman and he finally had the balls to let her go. How can a dad do that? How can men who claim they are the strongest, who claim they patrol the safety of their children DO something like that? It scares me, it scares me so much. I feel like killing them but I can't so why not myself? What have I got to lose? I have no fucking dignity, no damn determination, no REAL reason for much...I have to talk to someone I have to talk someone who can just sit there stone faced and not judge me. I need to yell again. But I know if I do I'll be looked down upon or I'll be automatically shipped off again and repress it all over. Jesus, what if I marry a wife beater. God, it'll be better than him sitting there and acting dramatic. Atleast he'll take some sort of god damn action. I don't know. What if I marry Jared? I mean, he seems awfully average. But he'll get bored me with me soon, I know he will. Maybe he already has? I don't even know anymore. I can't understand why all 4 of them sunk so low...and Davis..god Davis..you've ruined me. You've let her win, you just...let go. She stepped all over you and you let her...you just fucking let her. You accussed her being terrible but you gave in anyway. You thought she was right, you thought you were wrong, didn't you. I hate you. I hate you so damn much that it hurts every morning I wake up. Every morning with the memory of you being my private alarm clock and off you yanking off my covers and blaring random music in my ear. i think about you everyday, Davis. didn't you ever bothering thinking about me? you were my hero. you were the one who made me happy. you were mine. and you just left me for her. because she put you down and because she left you. so why the hell can't i leave so easily? is it some sort of strength? to keep on going? to battle this demonic being inside of me? I've tried to die, but i keep coming back for more. more what? what the hell is more? you left me along for too long and now i've found someone and i can't even allow myself to fully trust him. you taught me everything and you just went away. in a pool of blood and weakness it as all said and done. you were battling for 19 years, were you? well so am I dammit. and i have a few more months til i pass that mark. i'm stronger than you were, aren't i? but i don't want to be. i want to be dependent, i hate fending for myself I hate this. i hate this whole WHAT IF? thought process that you've made me practice...i'm miserable. and i'm cold. and i'm hurt. you're just dead. you feel nothing. absolutely nothing, you lucky bastard. there's no pressure, no let down, no fear...you ruined yourself. you've ruined us all.
NO FUCKER. You don't 'gotta' do anything for her. I'M your god damn sister. I'M the one who took care of your kid when I lived with you. I'M the one who fucking TOLD YOU about this god damn concert and now you're running out on me for your fiance's tag along sister? What the hell is this? Why do my brothers drop everything for useless whores and go above and beyond?? WHY? What the fuck is wrong with them? Did my mother fuck them up this much? Honestly, this is making me die. I just feel like going away and never bothering with these assholes again. God, and Jason? My father? Ugh, he'd die for a pretty face, now wouldn't he? the selfish bastard would. He probably wouldn't second guess it too. And that fact fucking aggravates the living end outta me...he ruined 4 lives with that ass of a woman and he finally had the balls to let her go. How can a dad do that? How can men who claim they are the strongest, who claim they patrol the safety of their children DO something like that? It scares me, it scares me so much. I feel like killing them but I can't so why not myself? What have I got to lose? I have no fucking dignity, no damn determination, no REAL reason for much...I have to talk to someone I have to talk someone who can just sit there stone faced and not judge me. I need to yell again. But I know if I do I'll be looked down upon or I'll be automatically shipped off again and repress it all over. Jesus, what if I marry a wife beater. God, it'll be better than him sitting there and acting dramatic. Atleast he'll take some sort of god damn action. I don't know. What if I marry Jared? I mean, he seems awfully average. But he'll get bored me with me soon, I know he will. Maybe he already has? I don't even know anymore. I can't understand why all 4 of them sunk so low...and Davis..god Davis..you've ruined me. You've let her win, you just...let go. She stepped all over you and you let her...you just fucking let her. You accussed her being terrible but you gave in anyway. You thought she was right, you thought you were wrong, didn't you. I hate you. I hate you so damn much that it hurts every morning I wake up. Every morning with the memory of you being my private alarm clock and off you yanking off my covers and blaring random music in my ear. i think about you everyday, Davis. didn't you ever bothering thinking about me? you were my hero. you were the one who made me happy. you were mine. and you just left me for her. because she put you down and because she left you. so why the hell can't i leave so easily? is it some sort of strength? to keep on going? to battle this demonic being inside of me? I've tried to die, but i keep coming back for more. more what? what the hell is more? you left me along for too long and now i've found someone and i can't even allow myself to fully trust him. you taught me everything and you just went away. in a pool of blood and weakness it as all said and done. you were battling for 19 years, were you? well so am I dammit. and i have a few more months til i pass that mark. i'm stronger than you were, aren't i? but i don't want to be. i want to be dependent, i hate fending for myself I hate this. i hate this whole WHAT IF? thought process that you've made me practice...i'm miserable. and i'm cold. and i'm hurt. you're just dead. you feel nothing. absolutely nothing, you lucky bastard. there's no pressure, no let down, no fear...you ruined yourself. you've ruined us all.
posted by Gothamite @ 9:49 PM
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