Valentine's Day!
yeah so...I haven't written in here for a long long time, now have I?
I've been too busy spamming to my hearts delight at SHH! and keeping whatevers left of my dignity at LoG... it feels weird...the excitement of LoG has left me and it's come back at SHH!
This upsets me greatly but it seems like C_O is much more beloved...and dare I say more 'cyber friendly' with more 'cyber friends'..? I guess its because I'm staying in Community more than in the Bat Boards... Lame...why yes...I know I am...but I miss Chris and Mike...I really do It doesn't feel the same anymore...however I get my insayne giddyness at times when I read something or see something that reminds me of my old cyber life....
I was talking to Jared about this dilemma and he told me I was cute... and he said I should just be the same cyber delight everyone hates or loves....then we necked for a while and he went to work.
This V-Day has gone delightful...and I feel really awkward about it.
I woke up in his arms, grabbed my stuff, ran home, realized I was an hour early, nearly kicked myself in the face, got breakfast made, kissed my brother (he gave me tongue, that bastard), dropped the kids and SPAMMED for a whiles.
Then i got my ass up, took an hour in the bathroom...putting on some decent, not to gothic make-up (that killed me..because I like looking like a freak)...so I just put tons of eyeliner, brushed my lids w/dark purple and layered a good 3 coats of mascara...dabbed some concealer on...took it off...realized I looked hotter w/the soft marks, put on my lavish lipstick, did my hair in 10 different god damn ways...ended up parting it in the middle and then i had to choose my god damn outfit. I didn't want to wear a fucking dress.
but you know what?
I fucking did.
why?
because of Jared...he's seen me in a night slip and he goes all "why don't you wear dresses...you look good in dresses" yadda yadda..
So anyway, I busted out this black dress that was long til my knees...its rather cute...it has a zip in the back so I had a panic attack for 10 minutes trying to put it on...but yeah, its black and has this dark purple netting on it..sounds weird..but looks smashing, IMO.
After that, I searched amongst my totes of shoes..and found this cute chunky pumps...I ran out, almost feel down the steps, stopped at his place, dropped off a few things at Jared's and raced to his CBS where he said to meet him. I sneaked inside and started looking for comics, but he managed to spot me and I think he's eyes bulged out a little...he kept holding my waist but I kinda liked it...so yeah, he took me to the back of the store, where most of the Batman merchandise was and just kissed. Then he looked around as he dig into his back pocket and came up w/this mini black box. I honestly felt a sudden rush of panic and fear and wanted to run out of the store. He said "I love you" and handed the box to me.
I fucking felt like hitting him and hugging him...I really did. We stood there for what seemed like forever, his eyes just resting on my head and my eyes looking down at the stupid box. I'm still holding this god damn box and he's waiting for me to open it, apparently. I solved the riddle. I finally had the sheer strength to open it and OMFG...cutest things ever. 2 hear it...2 rings...one was a simply silver band with marcasite all over it (which I liked the most) and the second was a small ruby with marcastite on the sides... God I was trying so hard to say something and he suddenly said "No...you really don't need to say anything you don't want to say." I just looked up at him and he was red...and asked if the rings were ok, stating he didn't know which would look better on me. I grabbed him and he held me....and I slowly started to cry. For what? For 2 fuckings rings and a guy who obviously likes me? No. Because I suck at life. And I've always had. And now..I really hope I won't in the future..not with him. He's the complete opposite thing in my life and I really really like it. I was crying for myself..for my family..for Davis..I felt like trash. I still feel like trash. So I finally peeled myself off of him and slid the two rings on my finger...he was just beaming. He looked so happy. I felt so happy. Rob was glaring at us and looked sick. I felt sick inside...like an awkwardness sick. Never felt this 'at peace' thing with anyone really. ..and I just don't want to take advantage of it. He took me by the hand and led us both out of the store, telling Rob he'd see him tomorrow. Rob looked relieved. On the ride to his place, I felt sorta...how can I say...shitty? I left his V-day gifts at his place and crappy gifts at that... I got him 2 shirts from HT he always looks at when he stops in to see me, a $100 worth of Best Buy Bucks and a joker bobblehead. I thought my gifts were bad, but dear god...the guy went into a frenzy. "This shirt kicks me ass!" "$100 at best buy! YES!!!" "How the hell did you get a bobblehead? You knew I wanted a Joker bobblehead" and we necked for another good 10 minutes. Then he got off me, went into his room and came back in with a mini bag. I was thinking Shit...what else did he get me? ...and low and behold...THONGS AND PANTIES of his liking
Holy Mother of Anakin...I kid you not...8 thongs (various colors, mostly hot pink, dark red and black) and 10 black panties with cute bows or polka dots all over 'em...the mini bag was from VSecret and I was like.. how much did this guy spend on 18 pairs of underwear...and I remembered these were the brand new microfiber things I was looking at with Denielle and as an estimate..each fucking pantie cost a cool $20+. Jared was just gazing at the underwear and kept muttering sexual inuendos, lol. I hugged him, necked yet again, this time he added fingers we ended up staying home as I wanted...I made him dinner, he told me I was a better cook than his mother was and I was flattered this probably means we'll get hitched within a year so no worries.
Now he's sitting on the couch next to me...laughing his ass of at Family Guy. I can't stop looking at these rings..I've stopped like 10 times from writing this gay blog to admire it I'm not sure what all this means or where the hell it leads. But I likeit here. It's stable...sure we have our arguements..but it's stable...and it feels nice. Do I love him? I don't want to. But I have a feeling I do. Can I say it? Hell no.
I've been too busy spamming to my hearts delight at SHH! and keeping whatevers left of my dignity at LoG... it feels weird...the excitement of LoG has left me and it's come back at SHH!
This upsets me greatly but it seems like C_O is much more beloved...and dare I say more 'cyber friendly' with more 'cyber friends'..? I guess its because I'm staying in Community more than in the Bat Boards... Lame...why yes...I know I am...but I miss Chris and Mike...I really do It doesn't feel the same anymore...however I get my insayne giddyness at times when I read something or see something that reminds me of my old cyber life....
I was talking to Jared about this dilemma and he told me I was cute... and he said I should just be the same cyber delight everyone hates or loves....then we necked for a while and he went to work.
This V-Day has gone delightful...and I feel really awkward about it.
I woke up in his arms, grabbed my stuff, ran home, realized I was an hour early, nearly kicked myself in the face, got breakfast made, kissed my brother (he gave me tongue, that bastard), dropped the kids and SPAMMED for a whiles.
Then i got my ass up, took an hour in the bathroom...putting on some decent, not to gothic make-up (that killed me..because I like looking like a freak)...so I just put tons of eyeliner, brushed my lids w/dark purple and layered a good 3 coats of mascara...dabbed some concealer on...took it off...realized I looked hotter w/the soft marks, put on my lavish lipstick, did my hair in 10 different god damn ways...ended up parting it in the middle and then i had to choose my god damn outfit. I didn't want to wear a fucking dress.
but you know what?
I fucking did.
why?
because of Jared...he's seen me in a night slip and he goes all "why don't you wear dresses...you look good in dresses" yadda yadda..
So anyway, I busted out this black dress that was long til my knees...its rather cute...it has a zip in the back so I had a panic attack for 10 minutes trying to put it on...but yeah, its black and has this dark purple netting on it..sounds weird..but looks smashing, IMO.
After that, I searched amongst my totes of shoes..and found this cute chunky pumps...I ran out, almost feel down the steps, stopped at his place, dropped off a few things at Jared's and raced to his CBS where he said to meet him. I sneaked inside and started looking for comics, but he managed to spot me and I think he's eyes bulged out a little...he kept holding my waist but I kinda liked it...so yeah, he took me to the back of the store, where most of the Batman merchandise was and just kissed. Then he looked around as he dig into his back pocket and came up w/this mini black box. I honestly felt a sudden rush of panic and fear and wanted to run out of the store. He said "I love you" and handed the box to me.
I fucking felt like hitting him and hugging him...I really did. We stood there for what seemed like forever, his eyes just resting on my head and my eyes looking down at the stupid box. I'm still holding this god damn box and he's waiting for me to open it, apparently. I solved the riddle. I finally had the sheer strength to open it and OMFG...cutest things ever. 2 hear it...2 rings...one was a simply silver band with marcasite all over it (which I liked the most) and the second was a small ruby with marcastite on the sides... God I was trying so hard to say something and he suddenly said "No...you really don't need to say anything you don't want to say." I just looked up at him and he was red...and asked if the rings were ok, stating he didn't know which would look better on me. I grabbed him and he held me....and I slowly started to cry. For what? For 2 fuckings rings and a guy who obviously likes me? No. Because I suck at life. And I've always had. And now..I really hope I won't in the future..not with him. He's the complete opposite thing in my life and I really really like it. I was crying for myself..for my family..for Davis..I felt like trash. I still feel like trash. So I finally peeled myself off of him and slid the two rings on my finger...he was just beaming. He looked so happy. I felt so happy. Rob was glaring at us and looked sick. I felt sick inside...like an awkwardness sick. Never felt this 'at peace' thing with anyone really. ..and I just don't want to take advantage of it. He took me by the hand and led us both out of the store, telling Rob he'd see him tomorrow. Rob looked relieved. On the ride to his place, I felt sorta...how can I say...shitty? I left his V-day gifts at his place and crappy gifts at that... I got him 2 shirts from HT he always looks at when he stops in to see me, a $100 worth of Best Buy Bucks and a joker bobblehead. I thought my gifts were bad, but dear god...the guy went into a frenzy. "This shirt kicks me ass!" "$100 at best buy! YES!!!" "How the hell did you get a bobblehead? You knew I wanted a Joker bobblehead" and we necked for another good 10 minutes. Then he got off me, went into his room and came back in with a mini bag. I was thinking Shit...what else did he get me? ...and low and behold...THONGS AND PANTIES of his liking
Holy Mother of Anakin...I kid you not...8 thongs (various colors, mostly hot pink, dark red and black) and 10 black panties with cute bows or polka dots all over 'em...the mini bag was from VSecret and I was like.. how much did this guy spend on 18 pairs of underwear...and I remembered these were the brand new microfiber things I was looking at with Denielle and as an estimate..each fucking pantie cost a cool $20+. Jared was just gazing at the underwear and kept muttering sexual inuendos, lol. I hugged him, necked yet again, this time he added fingers we ended up staying home as I wanted...I made him dinner, he told me I was a better cook than his mother was and I was flattered this probably means we'll get hitched within a year so no worries.
Now he's sitting on the couch next to me...laughing his ass of at Family Guy. I can't stop looking at these rings..I've stopped like 10 times from writing this gay blog to admire it I'm not sure what all this means or where the hell it leads. But I likeit here. It's stable...sure we have our arguements..but it's stable...and it feels nice. Do I love him? I don't want to. But I have a feeling I do. Can I say it? Hell no.
posted by Gothamite @ 9:35 PM
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